Dr. Oz can kiss my . . . .

We have moved into the new house. Its not "comfortable" as of yet but its ours. For example: the toilet works (one of my "hard" conditions) but the bathroom sink does not. So I have the dilemma of either going downstairs to wash my hands or nixing personal hygiene.
At this point I’m pretty much 50/50.

We have a fridge but no stove.

We have a furnace but no duct work.

I’m freezing. All the time.

Then I got a letter from my compassion child in the mail where she tells me about how they get water through a pipe and wash their clothes in the sink on Sundays.

Spoiled brat.

I’ve recently decided I should start exercising.

But that seems like a lot of work. The personal trainer that works there always gives me a weird look when I walk through the door. ALMOST as if she is questioning my dedication to the exercise.

What I really want to say is:
"I’m just here to take a shower. Its way too cold at my house."

Seriously though . . . . does anyone else have the problem of what follows mentally when you start to exercise??? Not only do you start to weigh yourself every week, but it is as though an AVALANCHE of other "good things" to do start to raise their ugly heads. Gosh. Well . . since you are exercising you should really know that berries fight cancer. So eat GOBS of berries. Don’t eat carbs. Ever. Except when they are good for you. (Wait a minute . . . ) Don’t eat meat - but get enough protein. Unless you read this article where it says you should only eat meat. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But not apple juice - that is dangerous. Crossword puzzles keep you sharp, along with the color purple (maybe this is a connection to the berries?!). Red wine is good for your heart. But watch those calories!

Do your devotions. Stretch every morning. You really should get more organized. Get that meal chart made. Start using a chiropractor and don’t forget the massage. And maybe start plucking your eyebrows. But not your gray hair - apparently that is a big fat no-no. You need to go in every 6 weeks to keep your hair healthy and good heavens what do you mean you don’t color your hair?! You don’t want to actually look like you are in your 30s do you?! Get on the botox train you silly girl.

I now feel a lot of anxiety.

Hello comfort food and nice soft bread. And yes, I would also like to order 2 large caramel rolls but sprinkle some bacon bits on top for the all important protein. A girl has to eat her breakfast - after all, it is the most important meal of the day.